Who's With Me???!!!
Ladies and Gentlemen, Lasses and Fair Maidens, Members of the Local Gentry and beyond,
It is my great pleasure to invite you to open your minds and hearts, and join me on an epic journey. I have toiled for months, and surely justice is due me. I have faced countless sleepless nights, and have exposed myself to the harshest of conditions. I have faced the mirror image of my beard, and wrestled until daybreak. And now, WCSN Faithful, I am ready. It is finally time to rescue Mr. Witsie from his captives deep in the White Man's Grave. My beard has been preparing for this insurmountable task, and now, dear friends, it is time.
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Many of you know the tragic story of our dear friend, who was once sentenced to community service for moving Pre-Columbian artifacts across international borders. Recently, things have taken a turn for the worse, and our valiant hero has been seized by savages in Black Africa over his possession of several sacred and powerful objects. We do not know the exact whereabouts of our brave collector, and now, only my beard can deliver him from certain death.
The World Champ has friends in every town and village from here to the Sudan, he speaks a dozen languages, knows every local custom, he'll blend in, disappear. With any luck, he's located the whereabouts of Mr. Witsie already.
The World Champ flies whenever the hell he wants to.
posted by World Champ Stephen Neal at 6:56 PM
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25 Comments:
As we speak, I am preparing your combs and brushes so that I may groom your beard and back hair in preparation for the task at hand.
I'm with you!
The Beast is slightly peturbed by the phrase I have exposed myself in the harshest on conditions
However moving swiftly on
The Beast has not been idle boss , months of punishing training in the broiling hell hole that is the kitchens of Cafe C. The Beast is honed to lethal perfection .I shall depart to the black continent and await the call to arms.
PS If Miss MJ could bring her Celine Dion collection , guaranteed to strike the fear of god into the heart of your average savage
*ripping throttle to dangerously unsafe rpm repeatedly* HELL YES! those godless heathen swine will fall like unripe wheat before our advance! I've been taping banana clips and troubling the counsels of Radio Shack employees for months in preparation for just such an eventuality per my duties as WCSN War Chief! LIke Achilles born anew my arm will rise and fall amid them in a fountain of red, pleasing to the gods! My red flesh hungers for the hot lashing of enemy blood and brains and lymph and maybe small chunks of flesh and hair but mainly blood because that looks way cooler and brains dry kind of hard and it suckes to have to do the same laundry twice to get it out! WITSIE MUST GO FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
All we need is Frobisher and his lethal dorset Apple cake and we are all set
Does this mighty bearded wrestler travel alone or might he be in need of a local side-kick to guide him through the roads less traveled in the African bush?
The Champ is never alone Mr Anti-blogger
May The Beard be with you
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Happy travels my friend. I have acquired a special gift for you. Upon arrival in Johannesburg make yourself known to Mr. Echo. He will guide you to the Fielding Reserve where I have provided a Rhesus Macaque to join you on your quest. This brilliant creature will be your faithful companion. Most importantly he will sit on your shoulder and groom your bounty of body hair. This particular species specializes in facial hair so you will be well provided for.
May safety and luck follow you in your back pocket during this quest.
To all of the WCSN Faithful across the globe, I am humbled by your undying support and enthusiasm. We are forming a juggernaut behind my mighty beard!
MJ, while the maintenance of my hair may seem to be yeoman's work, your vigilance is unsurpassed. It goes without saying that the combs are of the finest ivory, and the brushes are stiff-bristle boars hair. Your zealous dedication may have earned you an Official WCSN Appointment...
Beast, ... er ... uh ... part of my intense training was ongoing exposure to extreme light and darkness, from which my vision is still recovering. I'm sure Cafe C offered a similar experience. I'll need your unblinking one-eye while descending into uncharted territory.
Nations, I've never second-guessed your appointment as War Chief. Who else has ever topped your ever-ready and unmerciful savage ways? Even Tecumseh himself didn't have such a thirst for Shemanese blood.
And you do laundry!
Anti, I could use someone trained in the ways of the African bush throughout my journey. I hope that your training includes making moonshine.
T, I will look for this Echo. Ongoing grooming will be necessary when MJ is unavailable.
i will bring beans from the midwest...stop laughing you lot!~ it could be helpful...in a difficult situation...
Shock 'n' Awe Champ! unleash the beard!
Unfortunately, I won't be able to make it as I'm currently "resting" in the Costa del Sol in Spain - but we are only spitting distance from Morocco (in Africa!) so do stop for a sherry and tapas on the was over.
Frobisher , your so lazy !
Daisy, your contribution will be most welcome if I find myself boxed in by a troop of baboons. If I implant the beans into my beard, I could house most of them for a few weeks.
Froby, get ready to see the wake of destruction that my beard will leave along the Riviera! I assume you are sans breeches on the beaches?
Beast, don't you mean "you're?"
glad you found a use for them stephen...here they use them to make the boys fart in unusual manner...
hey Steve - me auld mate
What is you the world champ of?
Wrestling?
Or boxing?
Kung-Bleedin-Fu?
Daisy, Oh... yes... I suppose one could eat them as well. Depending on the situation, of course.
Pineapples, I can't imagine any part of this big, blue marble where the accomplishments of the World Champ are not known. Who are your people, and from where do you hail?
Champ , In my quest for enlightenment and inner steel , this week the Beast has been following the teachings of Old Knudsen, guru and seer of the Knudsen Nation. One of Old Knudsens 10 commandments are that sentence structure , punctuation and grammar are for the weak
Steve good buddie
I am the Famous Mr Pineapples - from the East End of London - place called Bow....I have a bit of a cockney accent and my family are East End criminals (I disowned them years ago).
Also have Italian connections - with family involved with an organisation called Cosa Nostra - this is a church group dedicated to helping mankind in every way possible.
P has heard of you Steve - He was just trying to pretend He hadn't - just in case you started getting all big headed and all.
I've always been a fan of pineapples.
Pineapples make my mustache burn.
The sexy indians are here, reporting for jungle duty.
It sure has been awhile Stephen. I've finally tracked you down and now you are off to Africa.
Beast - Fair enough, old chap. However, allow me to ask: is this "Knudsen" a champ of any kind?
Pineapple - I appreciate your concern - however, you may be too late. Nonetheless, you have a fine pedigree. Might you belong to the House of Lords?
Indians - welcome back. I was hoping to enlist your skills on this vast journey.
Genie - We had some good times... However, I haven't forgotten about you and Beast...
Champ , Of course Old Knudsen is no global Icon like your esteemed self , however how are we to sort the wheat from the chaf without breaking eggs while making omelettes
Beast, once again, your wisdom is far beyond your years!
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